I have waited to post this for a few reasons. One being that it is a VERY sensitive subject matter, Two I wanted to know how it would be resolved, and Three to give myself and Josh time to process what we were going through and wait until we were comfortable sharing our trials and tribulations.
So, on the 5th of October we went in to the hospital for a routine ultrasound, and although we were disappointed that we couldn't know for certain that day whether we were having a boy or a girl yet, we were still overjoyed that there was a healthy little munchkin growing inside of me. Our next appointment was not scheduled for another 2 or so weeks which would be a routine follow up. During the course of these two weeks I spent some time in San Diego with my wonderful family and had a great time. I "officially" felt little Makenzie wiggle around inside of me and was sooo happy. I just couldn't wait until Josh could feel her as well. As I have said before, I think that is one really cool thing that the guys miss out on during pregnancy. I'm sure they are not jealous about having to carry them around for nine months or about having to push a little baby out of them, but I wish for Josh that he could feel what it feels like to have her move around inside of me. Anyways, I digress. Sorry.
So, I returned home on Tues and had an appointment on Thursday. We arrived in the morning not knowing what to expect. Well we thought we knew what to expect, being weighed, having my blood pressure taken, listening to her heart beat, and the usual. Little did we know, we were about to be hit by a BOMB. Our doctor whom I love, but temporarily hated sat down and casually started talking with us. All I remember hearing are the words; cyst, benign, downs syndrome, tests, fetal specialists...to name a few. WHAT? The tears immediately started flowing, talk about being ripped from cloud nine and sent straight down to hell...Wow. I still get emotional thinking about that time. So what she explained to us was that the ultrasound tech had spotted a choroid plexus cyst on the baby's brain. She explained that this cyst was benign. My understanding was that if something is benign then that means that it could be malignant, cancer, excuse me? But I was mistaken. Her meaning of the word benign meant that alone this cyst was not dangerous. She then continued to explain that this could possibly be an indicator that our little girl could be born with Downs. Not that she would be but that she could be. They were going to have to conduct some blood work to see whether or not this was a real possibility. We asked if there was a percentage rate that we were looking at but she couldn't provide us with one because there is no real way of knowing. The doctor tried to reassure us as best as she could, but honestly I was still stuck on the possibility that our little girl could have Downs. We returned home later that night and started talking about our future and what decisions we would make. We knew that no matter what Josh and I were bringing a life into this world and nothing could change our love that we already feel for this little girl. We also knew that it would not be the end of the world if she did have Downs, we were strong and confident that the Lord did not give us more than we could handle. We really came together, and honestly I feel more and more in love with Josh that night as we were able to draw together in such a vulnerable time where we were sad, hurt, mad, hopeful, a little bit of everything. We had our fair share of tears but we knew what we had to do. WE had to place our hope and our faith in God, and trust that His perfect will be done. We laid little Makenzie, ever so tiny at his feet and trusted in Him.
We had to wait a week for the results of the blood work to come back and what a long week that was. Man oh man. I had moments of peace that surpassed all of my understanding that I know were solely from the Lord, and I had moments overwhelmed with fear and hurt and frustrations as well. The doctor called me the following Tuesday and told me that the results of the test came back negative which indicated that the levels of all the hormones in my blood and in the baby were normal. PRAISE GOD! I all but jumped up and down. I called Josh and told him right away and we were soooooo overwhelmed. Because there was only one "marker" and the blood results came back negative the doctor does not suspect that little Makenzie will have Downs. We will go in this Wed for a follow up ultrasound where they will look specifically and carefully for any other indicators, and then I will go in on Friday to go over the results of the Ultrasound. So I do ask for continued prayer and that God's perfect will be done with our little girl!
I will keep you all posted, but felt that it was time to share some of our journey with our friends so that we may all pray more specifically even though our God knows it all. I sooo appreciate your prayers and your support. I also share this so that if any one ever goes through this or has gone through this you know that you are not alone and that I would be happy to talk to any and all of you! Thank you for taking time to read this. I know it is quite lengthy and quite shocking to some. Please don't feel offended that I did not share this with you personally, I was protecting myself and my family and knew that when the time was right I would be able to. So thank you for the continued prayer! I love you all!
On a much lighter and happier note, Josh finally felt Makenzie move the other night. We were laying in bed and he had his hand on my stomach and could feel some little movements (I think it was my own heart beat but I didn't want to make him sad) but then all of a sudden I think little Makenzie was stretching out and getting comfy for the night and gave one big kick and I felt his hand move on top of my stomach. It was beyond exciting. He was like, "Holy cow! That was crazy!" It was a pretty neat moment to share together. Alright enough for now. Time to go and relax this tired back of mine! Love to you all!
